Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
