Slut skills are useful in every country.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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