1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
