just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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