What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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