Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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