So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
