now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
