he referred to my room as the tit cave...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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