That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
