If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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