So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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