I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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