Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
