Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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