I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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