just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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