yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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