Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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