It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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