She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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