You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
