i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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