Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
