i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
