Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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