there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
