I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
