I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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