Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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