Banned from zoo.
Again?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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