Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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