the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
