it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
