Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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