Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Still dying that you shit outside
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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