4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
