It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
