the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
