I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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