He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
