just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
