You smell like a Billy Joel song
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You took a bar mat shot.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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