I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
