I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
