I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
