Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I would ride that face into the sunset
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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