My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
