alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
