they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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