We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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