my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
