i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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